James Bond
Bond, James Bond is a famous spy from the Nanny State. He has a license to drive and he enjoys his margaritas shaken NOT stirred. He is known for his trademark Rolex Daytona watch and his Bimmer. His nickname is 7. Personal life Bond is a widower whose wife, Diana Rigg, is deceased. His nephew is James Bond, Jr. In the past he has had many relationships with women. He is STRAIGHT. Filmography Dr. No Bond must fight a doctor who practices socialized healthcare and is killing everyone with death panels, despite the fact that Americans have said NO to a government takeover of healthcare. From Russia with Love Bond realizes that communism may work IN THEORY, but can never work in real life due to human nature. Therefore he needs to turn the USSR into a glass parking lot NOW. Goldfinger Bond travels to America to make sure we go back to the gold standard. During the mission he meets Pussy Galore and introduces her to Dick For Days. Thunderball Literally a ball of thunder. You Only Live Twice Bond decides to preach truth to crazy whacko religions like Hindus who believe in reincarnation. That is ridiculous. You only live TWICE, once in life and then once in the afterlife. Quit beleiving such dumb ideas. On Her Majestys Secret Service Bond gets married but his wife is killed by liberals because they hate marriage. Diamonds are Forever Bond travels to Africa to get diamonds, which have intrinsic value just like gold. A gay couple tries to kill him because gays are the true bigots. Live and Let Die While still in Africa, Bond decides to depose Ugandan socialist Idi Amin. Then he goes to America to fight drug dealing thugs led by the Notorious B.I.G. The Man with the Golden Gun An Independent invites Bond to his liberatarian island paradise and explains to him that the two most important things in the world are Gold and Guns, just like are Founding Fathers believed. Moonraker Bond comes to America to learn about the Star Wars program being developed by Reagan. He then meets Hugo Drax, an independent who wants his planet back. The Spy who Loved Me Bond meets a spy who commits treason just like all liberals do. He then bangs her because he is STRAIGHT. For Your Eyes Only Michael Bluth finds love. Octopussy Bond travels to India to explore the Temple of Doom. He mocks the muslims and there dumb turbans by dressing as a clown which is known as independent humor, lighten up libs. Never say Never Again An elderly Bond decides to relive his youth, specifically the events of Thunderball. A View to a Kill Christopher Walken takes Bond on board his blimp along with a Charlies Angel to view some silicon. What a breathtaking view. The Living Daylights Bond goes to Afghanistan to fight the Taliban. License to Kill Bond gets tired of government red tape and decides to do his own mission. Thats called bootstraps and it proves we dont need big government handouts. Goldeneye A girl kills men during sex by squeezing them to death with her legs. Niiiiice. Where were these killers when I was in high school? Tomorrow Never Dies Bond takes on the Liberal Media. The World is NOT Enough Bond realizes that Christmas comes multiple times a year but liberals have concealed this fact as part of the War on Christmas. Die Another Day An Asian guy gets surgery to become White so he can covertly turn North Korea into the next superpower? Ok, this time multiculturism has DEFINITELY gone too far. Casino Royale again It is determined that the best way to defeat and bankrupt a terrorist who also happens to be one of the worlds greatest poker players is by sending Bond to beat him in a legit game of high stakes Texas Hold em. Quantum of Solace I dont know what these words mean but the bad guy is head of some envirowhacko company that wants to make us all "go green". F that what we really need is oil. Drill baby drill.